Hey everyone!
Sorry for not writing on Monday. I'm sure you were all dying of anticipation and worry and everything. But actually probably not because no one even cares about me anymore because I've been away for so long. But I mean, whatever, guys, whatever. #missionaryproblems.
But anyway, I didn't write on Monday because I was super stressed/worried waiting for transfer calls.
And then transfer calls came.
And my zone leader was like, "LOL HERMANA HOLDAWAY YOU HAVE TRANSFERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!" And then I cried because I hate saying goodbye more than anything in the entire world. And I especially hated saying goodbye to Ceiba. It was super hard. But I did it because I can do hard things.
So here I am in my new area...Mesapa! It's a small pueblecito that's about an hour outside of Progreso. I've only been here for about an hour, but I already love it from what I've seen so far. It seems to be super tranquilo, and it reminds me a lot of Olanchito. And I love Olanchito. So I have no complaints. :)
Now I'm excited to go out, get to work, and find out why the Lord wants me here!
I've been doing a lot of thinking about my two transfers with Hermana Tito these past couple of days. I learned a lot from her. At times, it was hard. Before she came I remember thinking, "Wow! My marriage is obviously going to be all perfect and happy all the time because I've never fought with any of my companions and each and every one of them have literally been my soul mate." And then Hermana T came along. And it's not like we fought and hated each other and didn't get along, because that's absolutely not the case. Because I love that little Peruana with all of my heart. But with her, it was a little bit different. It was hard at first. And it's because she showed me my weaknesses. She wasn't afraid to point out my imperfections with blunt, sharp language, haha. I laugh thinking about it now. Hermana T can be a little sassy! And it was a little hard to swallow sometimes. I had to learn to be humble. To close my mouth and turn the other cheek. And I'm not claiming to be perfect or anything like that, because I know that I'm the farthest thing from perfect there is. Sometimes I feel so unworthy of all of the blessings that the Lord has given me, and I ask myself, "How is it possible that the Lord continues to bless me when I continue to make mistakes? When I continue to be imperfect? When I can never do things right?"
I was just going to continue by saying, "I guess I just don't understand how the Savior can love me when I continue to fall down....when I can never seem to give my all or do my best." And right when I was going to type that, a thought came to my mind... I thought of all of my investigators, of my converts, of the less active members that I've visited during my mission. Of all of the wonderful people that I've met and grown to know and love. Are they perfect? Of course not. They make mistakes. There were times when they didn't read the Book of Mormon, when they didn't come to church, or when they drank just that one more little cup of coffee. And did I stop loving them just because they aren't perfect? Of course not. If anything, their imperfections made me love them even more. Seeing them fall made me want to help them even more.
And I guess it's exactly the same with Christ and us. Isn't it?
I've been trying my whole mission to understand more profoundly the love that Christ has for me. I've often asked myself, "What more can I do? What scriptures can I read? How can I understand?" And the answer has been right in front of me the whole time, and I just haven't realized it: Do what Christ did. Serve others. Love others. And then you'll grow to understand.
And I've loved others. Really. I can't look you in the eyes and say that I've been a perfect missionary because I haven't. It would be a lie. I can't say that I haven't had my days where I just want to quit and go home. Because it would be a lie. I can't say that I've always been a perfect companion because it would be a lie. But there is one thing I can say without a single doubt in my mind: I've loved. I've loved a lot. I developed charity, the pure love of Christ. It's a gift that I didn't have before my mission. But now, it's a gift that I can't contain within me, even with the extra pounds that Honduras has graciously given me. I honestly cannot even begin to express the amount of love that I have for the people that I've met on my mission. The thought of leaving and having to say goodbye honestly breaks my heart. I could spend the rest of my life as a missionary and be perfectly and completely happy. :)
So I guess I do understand why Christ loves me despite my imperfections. And I understand because I have a small portion of that love for those around me.
I feel all happy inside now! The Church is super true.
It's funny how God answers our prayers sometimes, isn't it? My whole mission I've had this question, this desire to understand Christ's love. And God answered me right now. With a thought that came to my mind as I sat in a small internet cafe in Mesapa, Honduras, writing my weekly email. It's a testimony that God really does here and answer our prayers. And even though sometimes our answers come when we least expect it, they always come.
Always.
Love,
Hermana Holdaway
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