|I finally have a companion who's taller than me!|
|Hermana Ramirez and I. I knew Hermana Ramirez before she got transfered here to Olanchito. Remember when I went to stay in La Paz for a week when I had my kidney stones? Well anyway, this lovely Hermana helped take care of me.|
I officially have less than a year left on my mission.
Brb freaking out. What am I even going to do with my life after my mission is over. Who even knows. Lol actually I know: I'll sleep and eat food that's not rice and beans and I'll go back to BYU and I'll get married. Lol, dad, don't freak out cause everything's gonna be okay (aaaaand cue the marriage lectures ).
I have lots to say this week. Cause I just have lots of feelings, you know? Lol, yeah, I'm pretty sure you guys all know, haha. But anyway, I'm just gonna tell you my feelings. Here we go:
Don't get me wrong, the mission is amazing and wonderful and the best thing that's ever happened to me. But it's also super emotionally exhausting. It's like a constant mind game. I'm trying really hard not to compare myself to other missionaries, but sometimes, I just can't help it. I guess I just don't feel very successful. I've been out here for six months and I've only baptized two people. And I don't want to downplay the importance of those two people, because obviously I'm going to remember them for the rest of my life. But then I look at other missionaries who have baptized a ton of people, and I ask myself, "What do they have that I don't?" I'm not a lazy or disobedient missionary, so why don't I have more success?
But when I look at Alex and Eliza and their family, I think to myself, "You know what, if I go my whole mission and only help this one family, then it's okay. It will all be worth it." When we first started teaching Alex, we found out that his mom, Reina, is a member of the church. She was baptized when she was 13, but she's been inactive ever since. When we first met Reina, she was going to a different church, had a tonnnnnnnn of apostasy, wasn't very receptive to our message, and didn't want Alex to get baptized. But little by little, she started listening more. She started changing. And now she's going to church every Sunday with her children.
And I look at this marvelous family, and I tell myself that if my whole purpose in coming to Honduras was just to help them, then it's okay. I'll be happy. After all, the worth of one soul is great in the sight of the Lord, right? But then I see the other missionaries with their twenty billion baptisms, and I get scared of what people think of me as a missionary. I don't want people to think that I'm a bad or disobedient or lazy just because I don't have very much outward success. Cause people talk. The missionaries here are gossip machines: "This hermana blah, blah, blah, and this elder, blah, blah, blah." And idk, it's stressful.
I just want to be happy with what I'm doing here. I don't want to feel like I'm wasting my time doing nothing. And I know it's just casue I need to learn that success doesn't mean dunking all of Olanchito under water. Success means doing what the Lord sent me here to do. And if the Lord sent me here to help Alex, Eliza, and Reina, then that's okay with me. Hermana Urresta told me that I shouldn't have higher expectations than what the Lord has for me. So I'm going to try and work on that. Hermana Urresta is the best though. She's helped me so much. She's such a good listener when I'm just like all night long. Companion inventory, lolololol.
Anyway. Let's talk about the happy things that happened this week!
- Eliza got baptized! She looked like a princess in her baptismal dress. And we ate strawberry cake afterwards.
- We were teaching the Word of Wisdom to Alex and Eliza and we were like, "Remember! We shouldn't drink coffee!" And Alex was like, "What about coffee with milk?" And we were like, "No." And he was like, ".......milk with coffee?" Hahahaha, este Alex.
- We were teaching one of our new investigators, María, the other day. And she has a tonnnnnn of animals. Ahhhhh, the cutest baby bunnies that I've ever seen! And a ton of dogs, and a parrot, and chickens, and everything. So anyway, we were teaching her, and her chickens were going a little crazy like running around and climbing the tables and being all dramatic and stuff, so María takes off her shoe in the middle of the lesson and throws it at the chickens and yells, "HAVE MORE RESPECT." Oops that I laughed a lot.
- Sunilda invited us over for dinner yesterday, and she was talking to Hermana Urresta and was like, "But you guys aren't allowed to talk about the gospel with me. We're just going to eat dinner and talk about other things. But make sure that you tell Holdaway because she's gonna wanna evangelize me. And ain't nobody got time for that." #facepalm.
- Everyone this week has been like, "OMG Hermana Holdaway you were in my dream last night!" And I'm like, "Everyone needs to calm down, you're all freaking me out."
- We contacted this one house and this scary man came running out of his front door with a machete and was like, "WHAT DO YOU WANT." LIKE SORRY WE JUST WANT TO SHARE THE GOSPEL WITH YOU PLEASE CALM DOWN AND PUT DOWN YOUR WEAPON CAUSE I DON'T WANNA DIE RIGHT NOW.
- One of my investigators sent me love messages so....mejor no.
- A huge toad jumped on my foot and I screamed really loudly. Cause gross.
- A guy in my branch gave me a Honduras soccer jersey. For freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. Si hombre!
- My roots/grey hairs are growing in. Ew. Dying my hair next week.
- Mango smoothies are really good.
And that's what my life has been like this week. Si hombre!
Peace and blessings,